I am trying to update on all of the blogging/social networking sites I use, so you might read this elsewhere.
I hardly know where to begin, I've been quiet for so long.
My mental health has taken a turn, I've always struggled but I've been going downhill for a while now and it's affecting everything I do. Sitting at the computer trying to type out a sentence has become a challenge. I hardly talk to anyone, I rarely update any of the "social networking" sites I belong to, thus becoming more of a recluse than I have ever been. I've gained weight, lost confidence, and am losing hope as I spiral downward feeling no control over where I go.
I do have help in the form of doctors and therapists. I have been changing medications since March of this year (the old ones didn't do much anymore), which I know has a lot to do with where I am emotionally. I knew it wouldn't be easy and I am frustrated with myself, with this illness, with my life. The new medications I've tried have not helped, and I am not making much progress in therapy either. I feel like it's my fault somehow.
For ten years I have battled this, sometimes winning, sometimes finding myself at the end of my rope. Honestly I don't think I've ever felt so lost. All of the jewellery I used to make seems like a distant memory, I have no motivation or inspiration to create anymore. I am terrified of social situations and sit here in my home, day after day. Even in the company of Matt and our 5 cats, I still feel very alone.
Anyway, my apologies for the tone of this update. I felt it necessary to be honest about where I have been and why I seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. I'm not being "emo" or looking for sympathy or pity; I am being open about how this mental illness (and Depression IS a mental illness) is affecting me.
Thank you for reading.