I am trying to update on all of the blogging/social networking sites I use, so you might read this elsewhere.

I hardly know where to begin, I've been quiet for so long.

My mental health has taken a turn, I've always struggled but I've been going downhill for a while now and it's affecting everything I do. Sitting at the computer trying to type out a sentence has become a challenge. I hardly talk to anyone, I rarely update any of the "social networking" sites I belong to, thus becoming more of a recluse than I have ever been. I've gained weight, lost confidence, and am losing hope as I spiral downward feeling no control over where I go.

I do have help in the form of doctors and therapists. I have been changing medications since March of this year (the old ones didn't do much anymore), which I know has a lot to do with where I am emotionally. I knew it wouldn't be easy and I am frustrated with myself, with this illness, with my life. The new medications I've tried have not helped, and I am not making much progress in therapy either. I feel like it's my fault somehow.

For ten years I have battled this, sometimes winning, sometimes finding myself at the end of my rope. Honestly I don't think I've ever felt so lost. All of the jewellery I used to make seems like a distant memory, I have no motivation or inspiration to create anymore. I am terrified of social situations and sit here in my home, day after day. Even in the company of Matt and our 5 cats, I still feel very alone.

Anyway, my apologies for the tone of this update. I felt it necessary to be honest about where I have been and why I seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. I'm not being "emo" or looking for sympathy or pity; I am being open about how this mental illness (and Depression IS a mental illness) is affecting me.

Thank you for reading.
With love,
Mandy

The world comes crashing down on you.

Matt was laid off on Friday with no notice. He was supposed to be unionized as of Monday, as is the entire site he has been working at. It's not due to lack of work, the permit list for houses to be built is enormous. The builder (his employer) would bend over a dollar to pick up a dime...in other words they didn't want to pay Matt's union wages. I am SO upset. This was what we have waited SO long for, we were looking forward to saving money, actually being able to afford to catch up on bills, feed the cats, have a nice Christmas. That might not happen now.

The union says they are on Matt's side and the rep is coming out here to sign him anyway on Monday because he thinks it's BS that he was laid off. I won't believe it until I see it, I don't trust anyone anymore. This ALWAYS happens to us, seriously. Everytime things are starting to go our way, the rug gets yanked out from under us. I want to say that I hope the union will fight for him, but I've wasted my hope on people like this too many times and am tired of being let down and seeing Matt jerked around.

I will probably be selling chainmaille supplies soon so keep your eyes open. I will post another journal entry when I have it all tallied up.

Thanks for reading.
Mandy

In fact it's been far too long.

=ArmouredRaven and ~Zaldania, I owe both of you a huge apology for not being around to help with *metalweavers like I had promised to do. I am so very sorry for letting you down. Once life is a bit less hectic, I hope I can still do something to help. For now I just want you to know that I feel awful and am sincerely sorry.

I want to apologize for being absent since Spring, since we moved into the house our lives have taken a few twists and turns. The place is wonderful and I love it here, but like every place, I have had trouble settling in and unpacking. There are still boxes filling up the basement. Boxes haven't been the main concern though, we have taken in a couple of cats that needed to be rescued.

Lady, who was pregnant when she came to us is the first one we took in. She gave birth to six kittens (one died two days later). The kittens are almost ready for adoption now, we just have to wait until they get their second set of shots. Penny and her three kittens were found at Matt's job site. One of the kittens had some sort of grub in it's eye (gross I know) and he brought him home. We decided to bring them all home and now they are living in our basement laundry area. So in total with our own three cats, there are 13 felines under our roof. It has been keeping us so busy and I love them all to pieces. Thankfully a rescue group is helping us adopt them out to GOOD homes.

I just haven't the time of focus to really make anything and should have updated on here a long time ago. I am trying to get things updated now because our bills are behind and we most likely won't have the internet much longer because of it. Feeding that many cats gets expensive, more than I expected. It's my own fault though because I won't feed them crap food, I am picky about what they eat and Lady has a sensitive stomach so I don't have a choice with her.

Again, I am sorry for being gone so long and I am sorry for making this seem like a rant moreso than an update. I truly hope you are all doing well and hopefully I will find the time to catch up on everything and everyone's work.

Lots of love,
Mandy

Hi folks,

I am not going to be around for a while, I haven't really been around much to speak of anyway.

I'm not doing so well and still don't have my shit together for this more or anything else, my focus is gone, my moods have taken a downward shift, and I can't handle anything it seems. I just wanted to let you all know that once I am feeling a bit better I will be on top of things and be participating again. Right now I can barely force myself out of bed so it has to be one small thing at a time.

If anyone needs to contact me, my email address is listed. I will be checking that still.

You are all wonderful and talented people. Keep up the amazing work and let your talents flourish as they so rightly should.

Love Mandy

Hello everyone!

This update comes a little later than I intended. Those chokers that I made for a customer ended up being delivered into the hands of a theif by the courier. My customer has been exceptionally understanding and we have been working together for the last month on getting it sorted out. I am redoing her order of course, it's just been hectic.

Matt and I are moving on April 28th, we found a sweet little bungalow that is just perfect for us. It's not huge and there are a few minor things that I would like to change, but it's a good house. It will feel like home, plus the landlords will let us paint and make renovations (with their consent) and we will be reimbursed for the costs. Yay!

My lovely friend =ArmouredRaven asked me if I would be willing to become the moderator for *metalweavers and I accepted of course. I haven't been as active lately as I would like due to some of the things going on here, but I intend to become much more involved. It's a wonderful group, if you haven't joined already, please check it out and join our discussions!

Until next time, I hope everyone is doing well.